3 things to remember when you love someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder




Remember, she didn’t ask for this.

When you are feeling like this life is difficult, that it’s unfair and that you didn’t ask for this, remember that your loved one didn’t ask for this either.

They didn’t ask to be abused, they didn’t ask to be set on a path of a daily battle, they didn’t ask to have to fight every day to stay alive and stay sane.

Perhaps you didn’t know at the time that you made a commitment to your loved one that he/she had DID; perhaps you were so in love that you thought it wouldn’t matter; and perhaps you thought that you were the great hero who was going to swoop in and save her from the morass of dysfunction. No matter the reason behind it, you did make a decision to love her.

So remember, she didn’t ask for this and to walk away would be cruel and add to her pain.

Remember, she is not hurting you on purpose.

It is very likely that your loved one went through unspeakable trauma, things that caused him/her to split off into parts. This trauma, when re-lived, feels just as real as when it first happened. Like someone with PTSD, he/she leaves the current reality and gets caught up in the moment of trauma, causing them to act in a self-protective manner. In that moment, the pain they are causing you is an expression of the pain that they are reliving. They don’t mean to hurt you, but you are the closest target and you are present.

If you can, if it is safe for your loved one, remove yourself from the situation, otherwise, help her through it and don’t take it personally.

Remember, she doesn’t know how to function.

How often have you found your loved one with a blank stare, the inability to get out of bed, or accomplish simple tasks?

You and I were taught how to tend to our own needs, we were taught responsibilities, problem-solving and basic coping skills. Many of your loved one’s parts do not have these abilities. Many of your loved one’s parts are too young to function independently. Often, he/she is simply empty with no clue what to do next. It’s like putting a six-year-old in a big rig and telling them to haul a truck full of heavy equipment to the next city. No good would come of it. The expectations are set too high.


So, remember that this life is difficult for your loved and it takes a special person to love them. Recommit yourself to being that person, faithful and true and continue fighting for your relationship and for your family.

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