Significant Other

An important piece to living with your loved one's system is entering into contractual relationships with different parts. These contracts can help the system to feel a little more in control as well. Here are a few contracts that I and others have found helpful and healthy. 1 no sex with children : In this contract, both of you carry responsibility. You may not always know when a ‘little one’ is out, but you may have insight which signals the presence of a child alter. We want to protect those children and we want to let them know that we want to protect them. So the contract is that neither you nor your loved one will allow intimacy to happen when a child alter is present.                         2 no suicide   (temporary contract) The reason I call this a temporary contract is because I can’t make a blanket contract that she will never commit suicide. It needs to happen when I can tell that she is in danger of killing herself, or when she tells me that she

            Give them a huge teddy bear OK, so this may sound silly or simple or both, but it actually is a great way to serve your spouse's little ones. When I asked my wife to name a way that we can love our spouse’s littles, this was the first thing she mentioned. She said it meant so much to her when I bought her a huge teddy bear. And it was big. It was something for her little parts to cuddle with, to feel safe with.             Feed them in bed What wife doesn’t like being served breakfast in bed. But more importantly, if you can come up with a fun breakfast and bring it to her in bed, this is a special treat. Pancakes and bacon, tuna salad, Mac and Cheese just about any kid of food they like, no matter the time of day. The joy and special feeling of being served and being allowed to eat in bed is huge.             Have fun        If your loved one has Dissociative Identity Disorder or PTSD, it is easy to lose sight of the fun we can have in life. Much of l

1  Let her know that you love her When you try to express your love for your partner with Dissociative Identity Disorder, it may feel at times like pouring water into a bucket without a bottom. Sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, it is not enough. But let me encourage you never to give up on expressing your love toward her. Become aware how your loved one gives and receives love differently. The way you express your love may not be the same way that your spouse receives love. For instance, I receive love through physical touch, a head scratch here, a back rub there or simply a pat on the arm. While many people like this sort of touch, for me it has a strong association of expressed love. My wife, on the other hand, responds to words of encouragement. She responds to words like a thirsting person responds to a glass of cool water.   Learn how to speak your spouse's love language and let her know that you love her. 2  Do something thoughtful for her

Remember, she didn’t ask for this. When you are feeling like this life is difficult, that it’s unfair and that you didn’t ask for this, remember that your loved one didn’t ask for this either. They didn’t ask to be abused, they didn’t ask to be set on a path of a daily battle, they didn’t ask to have to fight every day to stay alive and stay sane. Perhaps you didn’t know at the time that you made a commitment to your loved one that he/she had DID; perhaps you were so in love that you thought it wouldn’t matter; and perhaps you thought that you were the great hero who was going to swoop in and save her from the morass of dysfunction. No matter the reason behind it, you did make a decision to love her. So remember, she didn’t ask for this and to walk away would be cruel and add to her pain. Remember, she is not hurting you on purpose. It is very likely that your loved one went through unspeakable trauma, things that caused him/her to split off into parts.

After many years of work, I am finally launching my website for all who love someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder or PTSD. Much of what I have to share in this BLOG will relate mostly to SOs (Significant Others) of those who struggle with Dissociative Identity Disorder, however, some of what is said here will apply to those who love someone suffering from PTSD. There is a world of Significant Others who are without a support system and I would like to see if we can’t build a community of support and encouragement here. Simultaneously, I should like to announce the imminent release of my new e-book called, “Loving someone wit DID, Navigating your relationship with someone who has Dissociative Identity Disorder”. Those who love someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) have a story to tell that few ever hear. DID is a difficult disorder to bring to the light of day. People with DID have suffered job loss, discrimination, and ridicule. Too much Hollywood a