BODY MEMORIES

Have you ever heard the term, “Just like riding a bike”? The meaning behind this expression is that once you have learned to ride a bike, you really never forget how. 

As a musician, you may get rusty, but if you have ever learned to play an instrument, you will always remember how to play it.

Or think about the last time a sound of a bird or the smell of food took you back to some place and time.

This is the same concept with body memories from abuse. Your body, remembers everything from sounds, smells, touches, tastes and most significantly abuse. The memories are held in your body connected with some memory inside your mind.

As a survivor of abuse, you, or your loved one may have been too young to remember certain things consciously, but the body still holds that memory. As someone with DID, you or your loved one, may have dissociated and so have no conscious memory of the event while your body does. Maybe a alter remembers but has locked it away in a deep dark cellar. Basically, you may find that you don’t know what your body knows. 

My wife’s body memories come around during key times of the year when her abuse was most awful. Memories of ritual abuse at Christmas or Easter or other ritual days. She can literally feel the pain inflicted during that abuse, in the specific place on her body. So, even if you have done all the work, uncovered memories, worked through the issues, maybe even integrated your parts, your body still remembers. 

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Be aware what those memories are, be aware when they begin, be aware that they will happen without warning. These memories may present themselves in pain with no apparent origin, cause a feeling of illness or give a person a fever. 

Most importantly, don’t deny that they are real! 

The healing may take some time, I’m sorry to say because it is difficult to convince your body of something when you cannot reason with it. 

It may be helpful to approach it as an objective outsider. Separate yourself from the pain and the memory. If you have dealt with the memory allow the pain to stand on its own. Speak to your body (audibly) as if it was your best friend. You might approach it like this: “Okay, body, we need to talk.” If you are a Significant Other, you might be able to help by speaking to your loved one in the same way. 

Tell your body that these feelings of pain or terror are related to something that is no in the present. What you are reacting to is something in the past. Remind yourself: “We survived. It’s over. It won’t happen again. We are safe!” You can do this all in your head but it is actually better to do this out loud so your body can hear the message as you are speaking. Your mouth and vocal folds are expressing it with conviction and your ears are hearing the truth. Over time, the mind should make the connection for you on the inside. 

It may take time but the hope is that your body will eventually feel the message and accept the truth. This will bring about peace and relax the tension and pain. Keep sending your body this message.

Most importantly, you have to tell yourself and learn to accept, that this is not your fault. As a Significant Other you have to accept this as well, it is not your loved one’s fault, they are not choosing to feel this pain, which may often create tension in your relationship. Let go of the feelings of guilt or shame.

You or your loved one was abused by someone who is at fault. You are the champion fighting against the hold that the body memories are trying to exert on you. Find and embrace the freedom that lies within the truth.