What about Sex with your DID partner?



!!!!Age and Trigger Warning!!!! this conversation is not for young people – this is about mature relationships ……………….








If your loved one was sexually abused as a child, it can make a physical relationship difficult. Dissociative Identity Disorder adds another layer of complexity to this issue. At times your spouse may be completely unable to engage in intimacy while other times they may be very interested.  Your loved one’s responses may range from prudish to adventurous. It’s in these times that we have to be as alert as we can. The reality is that each part, or alter will bring it’s own set of challenges into the bedroom.

Here are a couple of things to think about in this area.:

Protect your loved one's child alters

Never and I mean, NEVER be intimate with one of the child alters. Since many of our loved ones were horribly abused as children, we have to try to guard them and ourselves as much as possible from adding to that abuse.

You will not always know when a child alter is out, but as best as you are able, be aware and avoid intimate contact with ‘them’.  If you are in the middle of intimacy and you become aware that a child has come out, put her needs and her safety before your own.

Don’t take advantage of the sex slave

Many Dissociative Identity Disorder systems have a part that was created, to fulfill the sexual appetite of others. Here again, if you are able to discern this parts presence, move away from the intimacy and protect her instead. Hold her and let her know that she is safe and does not need to perform to satisfy your appetite. This can be very difficult, but we don’t want to contribute to the exploitation of our loved one as a slave or an object.

            Know the signs of when to stop

Watch for tell-tail signs, try to understand who is present and what is happening. I’m not suggesting that you lose the ability to enjoy intimacy with your loved one, but be aware. You as the significant other may be best equipped to recognize when she is switching. If you notice her shift or if she starts behaving like someone else, take that step back. For a relationship that is going to last, you need to think about her needs before your own.

            Be prepared to live in the desert

I know that this does not sound hopeful, but if we have proper expectations about our sex lives, we may be able to avoid frustration or bitterness. This means that there may be long times during which you won’t be able to approach your loved one in a physical way. This is pretty rough, but remember, she isn’t doing this to spite you or to hurt you, she has been severely abused and is terrified, hurt and has a skewed perspective of this type of relationship. So, don’t take it personally, don’t level accusations at her, but be her ally, be her knight in shining armor, be the one who loves her rather than uses her.


Be patient and enjoy the times when you are able to come together.

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