12 Ways to Build Trust with Someone Who has DID

As we all know, trust cannot be demanded, it cannot be forced and it cannot be bought. Trust is built one day at a time and one interaction at a time. But trust can be lost in a single moment because of one action or one poor decision.

While trust can be a tricky landscape to navigate in the best of relationships, those who love someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder battle can face more difficult terrain to navigate. Often, to no fault of our own, some of our loved one’s parts have no trust toward anyone, not even us. For those parts who do give us their trust, we want to be careful not to betray. It can be painful to overcome the backlash if we do break trust with our Significant Other’s parts.

Here are some ways that I believe can help you build and maintain trust with your loved one’s parts.

Do what you say

When you say something, make sure that you also live by it. Be consistent always, showing your loved one that you are a man (or woman) of your word.

Honor your promises

If you make a promise, be sure and honor it. Your partner’s system is watching and listening, and if you make a promise to one of them and break it with another you will prove to be untrustworthy.

Be honest

Many people will tell little white lies, or big harry lies to cover for things they might have said or done. Be honest, even if you have to bare the consequences. If you are honest with your loved one’s system, they will find it easier to trust you.

Be Loyal

When others are abandoning your loved one, you should be their most loyal ally. They need to know that you are not going to turn your back on them; They need to know that you are not going to abandon them. Remain loyal at all cost.

Be Gentle

Our loved ones have suffered greatly at the hands of abusive people. As a result, your loved one will likely have one or multiple angry and abusive alters. It may be difficult to remain calm, when one of these parts comes out because we want to lash out, get even or fight. It is in times like these to understand that it is not you, they are attacking and that a kind and gentle response will deepen trust. Exchanging blow for blow will only destroy trust.

Be willing to change when necessary

Nobody’s perfect, not even you. Continue working on yourself, changing to become the person you were meant to become. This will make you healthy enough to be a trusted partner.

Show that you care about them

The system needs to know often and repeatedly that you care about them. Every part needs to know this. You need to be able to love, encourage and support your loved one’s parts. If they know you are on their side, they will more likely trust you as a whole.

Be a trusted lover

You are very likely holding someone in your arms who was terribly wounded, emotionally and maybe physically. You have the power to further destroy or to heal. We must be trustworthy will all of our loved one’s alters. For a deeper look at this issue check out my blog post here.

Admit when you are wrong

We all blow it, we all screw up, but if you refuse to admit to being wrong, or asking for forgiveness, then you will loose your significant other’s trust. It may be difficult to overcome our pride, but it pays great dividends to be willing to admit our wrong doing.

Also, check out my book "Loving Someone with DID"